Graham Zoppi Criminal Lawyer Toronto wants you to know that violence involves any behavior (individual or system) that intimidates, terrorizes, subjugates, controls, punishes, isolates, exploits, mocks, manipulates, offends, humiliates, blames, or injures another. Abuse, whether physical, psychological, verbal, spiritual, economic, social, sexual (as the worst form of betrayal) or combined, has a painful and lasting effect. Emotional abuse is an invisible consequence of all forms of abuse.
How to bring hope into the darkness of abuse? What if we discovered that someone was in a destructive relationship? Do abusers who are in the faith face challenges that others do not burden themselves with? What role do religious beliefs play in perpetuating violence or in silencing those who suffer it?
One of the biggest misconceptions we face about abuse is the assumption that abusers are visibly disturbed and brutal monsters. It is extremely rare for an abuser to look like a madman in everyday life. Most often he is completely appropriate – kind, reasonable, kind, generous, trustworthy, charming, compassionate and even sensitive to other abuse. He is keenly aware of the power he possesses and is extremely manipulative. It identifies the vulnerable with incredible ease and coldly redefines the truth. He directs his deep unhappiness and insecurity into an attack on light targets.
In a healthy relationship, one person does not yell at the other, disparage her, make fun of her, and if in an altercation an incident occurs, the one who committed it must apologize honestly. When a normal person realizes that they have hurt someone, they feel remorse and try to repair the damage. An abuser, on the contrary, feels power when he discovers one’s weakness, and perceives another’s vulnerability as a call for even more abuse. Despite the evidence, he denies the abuse and accuses the victim of all that he does.
Violence is obscured by silence. An abused person carries the secret of their experiences as a heavy burden because they often have no witnesses to their reality or anyone who can understand it.
Most suffer in silence, hiding their situation from family and friends because of the guilt, fear, and shame they feel. Over time, the victim increasingly blames himself and does not see the gravity of the situation. She has already tried everything – ignore it, deny it, fix it and accept it, but to no avail. She becomes tired, lost, confused, damaged, angry and upset as she vainly tries to satisfy the unreasonable demands of her abuser. Silence further contributes to the devastating effects of abuse. Fear of even more violence, fear for children, fear of our own future – paralyzes and creates a haze that does not see reality.
Some do not even know they have been abused. They just know that something is wrong, but they do not know how to identify and name what is happening to them. Maybe they come from an abusive family themselves, so they think this behavior is normal. Some believe the abuser will change.
